Mr Calm’s take on the incredible match against Howick, in his final report of the season.
“Your ever so humble correspondent has played through some exciting finishes in his full 30 seasons but, methinks, I will be hard-pressed to come anywhere near the mix of emotions experienced at the end of this match. The wicket was as soggy as a soggy thing in soggy land but, last game of the season and all that. Howick came to Rock polygon, determined to end their season on a high, however, the Rock lads had other ideas. Firstly, Spoon cunningly lost the toss and the home side were inserted for the 1st time in a while. Then with no fewer than 7 potential opening batsmen to choose from, he chose Rod of the Bells & Kev of the Wilsas to give it some hokey-pokey. And give it some hokey-pokey they did, putting on 72 for the 1st wicket, Kev hitting 5 fours & Rod 6. Durie (A) plugged away, (literally, on at least three occasions the umpires were forced to call the R & A for a ruling!), and was finally rewarded with the wicket of Mr B for 38. Wilsa went soon after, trying to loft the noble Mr Wright into the sheep paddock but only succeeding in holing out to Ant Elliott. Super secret agent & 3rd choice WK PhilB came in but was despatched for a promising 9, given "out" LBW. All the while Gianfranco di Bobbio was accumulating at the other end until he too was sent on his way caught behind for a smashing 25. This brought together the Prof & The Pie-man, (now theres a name for a pub!), MG deciding that the fact he's looked like he has been batting with a stick of celery all season was a good excuse to fanny about. Eventually he was given out by a gleeful Wilsa, whose decisiveness over a LBW decision caused some mirth in the gloaming at the pavilion! In came Shorty, who hit a 16 ball 20 including 4 fours but was bowled by the former Wightman Cup favourite, Jo Durie. Calm hobbled to the wicket to join the Confectioner, who proceeded to lay waste to the Howick bowlers averages. In an incredible few overs he hit 1 four & 5 sixes in a brilliant 52 not out. Comment of the day from young Mr Oliver, (too good for Alnwick), when he remarked that Tony didn't fancy the short stuff when he'd been pawping it all over the field! Calm just managed to get a red inker on 18 not out & Rock finished on 213 for 6. Bowling plaudits to Durie (A) Wright (J) & Durie (J) with 2 wickets apiece.
Top tea taken, the Skip emphasised the need to pitch it up & for the fielding to be tight. So, naturally, Rock went into the fray bowling short , dropping catches & misfielding at every opportunity. Jo & Ed Durie made the most of their opponents ineptitude & boshed at will. Eventually, Ed was snaffled by a grateful Tony off the bowling of an even more grateful CJ. TD went at 6 an over, The Prof at fives, Wazza did his utmost but no-one could make the breakthrough until Platter came up with the master stroke; a double change. He brought himself & Wilsa on. Andy tempted Oliver into what the man himself later described as a sort of shuffling forward defensive, (??), that left him stranded 3 yards down the track while Kim showboated the stumping. Williams replaced the clearly exhausted skipper and bowled a "mare" of a first over which went for eight. Wearmouth made a quickfire 25 before depositing a catch into The Prof's normally unreliable hands, 197 for 3. Then Dad Durie totally misread a Calm slower ball, which was going even slower than he thought & Kev took the catch. Then the turning point; Jo, who had been batting well & riding his luck, played all round a Wilsa special and was bowled for 82. After that it was, quite literally, all downhill. MW collected three more scalps while Wilsa took the last 2 wickets in the 43rd over, Ant Elliott being the last victim, caught & bowled. There ensued much cheering and, believe me, disbelief! For 33 overs we were second by a long way & the Howick lads must have thought the game was won but isn't this why we play? It aint over 'til the fat bloke & Wilsa bowls.”
The King of the Fines – 08/09/09
