Pearls before Swine

Mr Calm’s match report for the home game vs Wooler 11th July 2009

A Warm day at Rock, a large crowd, copious amounts of alcohol & food being consumed? Ah, Wooler must be in Town, er Village, erm, Hamlet.

After all the rain during the week, the pitch looked a bit crusty & Wooler’s skipper had no hesitation in inserting the home team. Rock welcomed back Kev of the Wilsas & he proceeded to the wicket promising a positive attitude following 5 weeks off sunbathing, oh, sorry, I mean recovering from serious injury! Inch-High thundered in from the knackered roller end & Kev positively edged his first ball to Clarkey, who made no mistake in pouching the catch. Kev walked back, positively blaming Mr Calm’s bat. PhilB & Rod of the Bells took the score on to 22 until “Don” Mclean joined the party & had Kim also caught behind for 9.

The Prof muttered his way to the crease & 3 balls later was muttering his way back after being hit on the back leg on the full, in front. Printed below is the law regarding LBW.

The striker is out LBW in the circumstances set out below.
(a)The bowler delivers a ball, not being a No ball and (b) the ball, if it is not intercepted full pitch, pitches in line between wicket and wicket or on the off side of the striker's wicket and (c) the ball not having previously touched his bat, the striker intercepts the ball, either full pitch or after pitching, with any part of his person and (d) the point of impact, even if above the level of the bails either (i) is between wicket and wicket or (ii) is either between wicket and wicket or outside the line of the off stump, if the striker has made no genuine attempt to play the ball with his bat and (e) but for the interception, the ball would have hit the wicket.

2. Interception of the ball
(a) In assessing points (c), (d) and (e) in 1 above, only the first interception is to be considered.

(b) In assessing point (e) in 1 above, it is to be assumed that the path of the ball before interception would have continued after interception, irrespective of whether the ball might have pitched subsequently or not.

3. Off side of wicket
The off side of the striker's wicket shall be determined by the striker's stance at the moment the ball comes into play for that delivery.

Well, let’s hope that is now clear, Plummy. Mr Calm gave The Prof a wide berth as he strode to the wicket, in fact, I think for a moment, he was following Andy’s satnav. A stand of 35 followed including a moment of high-comedy. Calm, frustrated by Bob’s superb line & length swiped at a leg-cutter which flew to the cover-point area. Inch-High, temporarily stopped dreaming about Snow White and hared after the ball, his running looking like a crazed bee, (albeit a short one), after being walloped by a rolled-up newspaper. Unfortunately, the vertically challenged schoolboy got nowhere near it & Williams managed to run 2. Rod managed to reduce Wooler to 10 when he smacked a cover-drive straight at Tom Burston’s eyebrow, which was promptly Burston all over the place. (OK, I know, cheap laugh. Sorry, Tom!). While Tom had to go to Casualty to find treatment our very own trained St John’s ambulance person, took photo’s of wild flowers. Mills replaced McLean after a tremendous spell of fast bowling. Calm, grateful for the fact he now did not need a sightscreen, despatched the League Secretary for a couple of healthy hits before young Bob finally got his reward, Sam catching Williams at square-leg. Bob then ran through the Rock order & claimed 6 for 41. Rod & Calm scored 36 & 32 respectively & Wazza also got into double figures. 108 all out in 35 overs.

Wooler’s reply began steadily but Clarkey got a low one & CJ had a reward for some fine bowling, then Stu was bowled by The Prof & Wooler were 28 for 2. Scully despatched Reggae’s first delivery into the rape field for the flattest & hardest hit 6 you could ever hope to see. He obviously had an urgent appointment to attend to because he set about the Rock bowlers with relish. Mind you, when was hit amidships by the skipper, we think he cancelled that appointment & made a different one. Now, young Kevin, as Bumble would tell you, wearing a box is a must! Wazza managed to bowl Ant, after he had scored 16 with 8 different bats! Les came in & looked on as Scully took out his pain & anger on the ball & finished the game 67 not out. Wooler won by 7 wickets & well deserved it. Many thanks to David Head & to Chris & David Barraclough for match ball sponsorship.

Pyjama Cricket? Pink Balls? Fielding restrictions? Bring it on, I say!!

Young Billy Gallon